Sunday, July 31, 2005

Dear padirsenis WinFixer...

I am in a foul mood today, and someone has to pay the price! Sure enough, Murphy was kind as usual and he sent me the dream target: a shameless internet marketer: The WinFixer guys, whoever they are! Actually, these guys seem to be pretty good and it shows! You see, I am somehow targeted and they think I should buy their ware. So, on a beautiful Sunday morning, while I was struggling with browser caches, the new offering installed itself on my laptop. This must have been a third time this month, so it gets to be quite boring. The novelty about WinFixer (that's what these guys call themselves) is that it always finds its way into my laptop. The interface is quite nice so I do not mind to bear the short time needed uninstalling it. Except that before it goes away, as parting gift, WInFixer imposes a "feedback" screen that must be sent to their, I hope, headquarter. This is a new height in shameless solicitation and that ticked my funny bones. So, they got some mild but well placed and subtle profanities the first time. The second time was a bit more spicy. This morning, I hope they love my "feedback" because it came from my beloved "Alternative Dictionaries" that is reserved just for such occasion. I think these guys are smart, and they should have no problem to decipher every word that was sent.

Warning! The academy of motion picture has rated the following wordings "NC17" which is a notch above the rating "R." Please use caution when you attempt to decipher my message to WinFixer. You may be offended in which case, I am happy because it may have served its purpose to the intended targets.

... fok jou; jou ma se poes; Sit jou kop is die koei se kont en wag tot die bul jou kom holnaai; anavy sikim; da"ma"k; ganjykh; it balasy / ku"chu"k; emagaldu; kabroi; блядзь; Ves a parir mones; gama stavros sou; verdammter Schweinehund; Inahl Rabak Ars Ya Choosharmuta; Ya khatikhat khara; Lekh teda; az isten bassza meg a bu"do"s ru"csko"s kurva anya'dat; caccati in mano e prenditi a schiaffi; padirsenis; padirsenis; padirsenis!

Oh! That feels so good!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

You talking to me?

Today is your lucky day, because I feel great. So here we go...

Since prevaricating can be minacious to some, they may feel gybed so when you prevaricate, be sure you are not diaphanous. Your reaction after being yourself prevaricated may be "Balderdash!" However puerile you may wish it were, you can't just hope to inspissate away such offense you may consider odoriferous. It will be pure fossicking on your part. You may gainsay all you want, this phantasmagoria cannot easily be dismissed. An effective antidote is to lilt, even to expiate and reduce it to a synecdoche. Be warned, it may metamorphose itself into an effluvium! By preponing, you may gain needed perspicacity and may even consider eleemosynary intervention. If you practice hard to become prescient, you may be able to mollycoddle yourself but avoid the danger of becoming rubefacient.

Your thirty day trial period has expired, please register...

OK, your luck has run out, and I really need to go get a new pair of sneakers because the rain has not abated. Where is all this water coming from?